| Poetry
|
Some of these are better than others and some are plain crap, but in the end it's all either straight from the heart... or the result of one too many late nights. There's not
too many happy ones here, but you know what? Where's the fun in that?
And so it begins...
Darkness Falls - Old Man Lullaby - Alone - Integral Extinction - Tainted Butterfly
Future Childish Dreams - Only Happy When it Rains - Grow Up - Revelations of the Night
How Does it Taste? - I Want - Cold Heart - Suppress Entity - Otherworldly Imaginings - Home
Broken Mindraa - Goodnight - Starr of Isis - Your Choice - Bent Starr - Relinquish Me - Nemesis
Mocking Me, Forever - Walk the Rope - It's Just Me - Echos Stirred - Grievance - Hollow Now
Rain - Beautiful Lies - Diminished Reality - You - Raining Crimson
Darkness Falls
Night falls and all turns to black
Dark sky, bright stars, cloudless night
The moon appears and everything looks alright
Its light casts a fake face over the night sky
Makes it look happy, makes it feel real
But nothing is real in this world
The moon is wounded and sheds her blood
Covering the cold earth below
The animals cry out, feeling pain for the moon
Red, blood red, no longer white and bright in the night sky
Her time was up, it was too late
The moon lost her heart
She bowed down to the night sky, bowed down to the earth
The moon was white, bright, but no longer.
Old Man Lullaby
the man on the corner plays his tunes
dressed in an old coat, with holes in his shoes
no money in his pocket.
no roof over his head
tonight he’ll sleep in the gutter
with the ground as his bed
he’ll raise in the morning to the hustle and bustle
of the world starting a new day
The kids will walk by with breakfast on their minds
And the old man will hold out his hand
I have no food, he’ll say
Can you lend me a dime?
But the kids will just laugh as they pass him by
The old man on the corner
plays him old tunes
and wonders what God would let this go on
He places the hat on the pavement in front of him
hoping some kind soul will lend him a feed
The day turns to night and all he as in his hat
is a nickel and a dime
not nearly enough for a good feed
he walks with his head down and his hands in his pockets
He heads for the shelter. food on his mind
And sees the sign in the window that eases him
Open 24/7
He sighs with relief and heads for the counter
He grabs turkey and beef and spuds and carrots
and washes it down with a cup full of water
He heads for the bedrooms, full stomach for a change
only to noticed the second sign for the night
“Sorry. we are full”
He heads for the streets, his only home
and rests his head on the cold grave stone
no money in his pockets
no roof over his head
but at least tonight he’s full fed
With a smile on his face and a glint in his eye
He turns away from the world
and sings his lullaby
Alone
One day you wake up and realise that you're alone
You realise that it doesn't matter, none of it does
Unless you have someone, and when there is no one
Nothing feels the same.
When people turn around and question your being
When they question your motives, it's all out in the open
You understand them now they were never your friends in the first place.
So you're left high and dry, cold and afraid
Alone and tired. Jaded.
Wishing somewhere deep down inside that the warmth
Of old friendships would return to light the sparks
Only wishing that the open arms of acceptance would
Greet you once again
Crying in to the glassy reflection of the pale girl
you see before you
Screaming at the darkened eyes, hollow, looking back at you
One day you wake up and realise that you're alone
Integral Extinction
Long days, longer nights
I sit and remember the way I used to smile
The times when happiness was free
When it was just you and me
The days seem longer, the nights, cold
I used to smile when you looked my way
I remember you’d always say
With your eyes you would reply
The love my heart longed for and the
Warmth my soul needed
You were that light shining in the distance
You were the something I believed in
But all good things must to an end
And I think we hit that dreaded dead-end
I’ll never forget what you gave me and
I’ll keep you close to my heart, always
Tainted Butterfly Part 1 and Part 2
Part 1
She looks at her reflection,
not knowing who she sees
the person before her, a faded image
of the girl she used to be
Crying into the night, wishing for things
that weren’t meant to be
she cuts out all the traffic
and see the girl she wants to be
Shining in the daylight, glimmering in the light of the moon
Bright for the entire world to see, bright for her soul
Smiling like a child at Christmas
Happy as a butterfly
Free as the sun
Maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad.
Part 2
3:12 A.M.
She wasn't sure what woke her that night, whether it was the slow, soft tinkering of the rain as it fell across the sky, or the blurred memory of a tainted past visiting her once again in yet another dream. Her limbs stretched aimlessly as she tried to shake off the uneasy feeling she so often felt when waking in the middle of the night. Her legs swung like dead weights from the warmth of her bed and rested on the carpet, and her arms moved in the same manner knocking something from the dresser next to her bed.
In the darkness surrounding her she reached out to turn the light on and noticed the fallen object on the fall. Reaching down to pick it up she sighed as she placed the photo frame back in its place. She sighed once more as she looked longingly at the happy faces staring back at her, from a time, a place, a feeling so different from what she felt now.
3:18 A.M.
With the frame now in her hands she sat on her bed trying to remember that time when she was happy, when a smile danced on her lips, when she was free of the drama, yet the photo seemed to be moving further and further away from her the longer she looked at it.
The faces were fading, her smile was gone and now all she was left to look at was a mere silhouette of her former self. What she wouldn't give to get even the tiniest part of that back in her life. She wanted to know what is was like to laugh again, and as the memories of a time no longer with her ran through her mind the tears began to fall.
One, two, three... silently they fell, crashing down on the photo frame and splashing back on to her hand, and her tears burned the memories of those happier times into her flesh and caused her soul to ache.
3:21 A.M.
Angrily she brushed the last tear from her pale cheek as she placed the frame once again in its rightful place among her belongings and as it softly made contact with the dresser she noticed the pattern on the frame.
She had brought the frame years ago at a craft fair and knew the second she saw it she needed to have it. The intricate detail craved into the wood immediately drew her attention that day, but tonight, one feature stood out the most. A small butterfly craved into the bottom of the frame, so small and so delicate. And for the third time that night she reached out and held that photo frame again, this time her small fingers tracing the etched wings of that beautiful butterfly and her mind wondered to a place her dreams would not let her visit.
As her eyes fell slowly shut she imagined she was a butterfly experiencing a new beginning. She crawled from her cacoon and faced a new world. She sat there now with tears again streaming down her face, but these tears did not burn her. She flicked her tongue to taste a stray tear as it passed her lips, and she tasted a change.
3:26 A.M.
Now, for the last time that night she carefully placed the frame where it belonged and crawled back into the welcoming warmth of her bed. As she pulled the covers over her body she imagined it as her cocoon. She smiled to herself as a contented sigh eased her into sleep, and as she drifted slowly into her land of unconscious thought,
she began to dream of what tomorrow might bring.
Maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad.
Future Childish Dreams
What are we going to do?
What are we going to say?
When our kids grow up
And the world's blown away?
How do we tell them?
Where do we begin?
When they want to know
Where the world ends
And the terror begins?
Where do we go?
What do we seek?
When our children tell us
That they can’t sleep?
Who is at fault?
Who is to blame?
Who will be left?
To play these awful games?
Only Happy When it Rains
The black illusions of a vast cosmic plain
Dot the deep realms of the place I fear the most
The shallow pools of want and greed and pleasure
Consume the passion for life I once held
High above the earthly home where I live
And reaching towards the mystical place
Where dreams strive for a place in reality
As nothing is even quite held, only wanting something more
In a time when all you feel in the greed in your eyes
On an out of control pleasure train
Delivered straight from the fiery depth of hell
And it screams to me, to be let free
To break the evil spell it has over my heart
Needing to walk with the confidence of a clear mind
Travelling through time in the form of a human vessel
Always arriving at one point, but never reaching the next
Feeling the cool springs, the wild winters and the angry summers
Only ever content with the death that autumn brings
The sun blistered leaf that was once green and strong
Falls lifelessly to the ground, stripping the tree of it's protection
Exposing the hard limbs to the harsh reality that winter brings
And again it screams to me, to be set free
From the deep dark realms of the place I fear the most
Grow up
When you look at me
I see you wondering for all the world
What had happened to the little girl...
Who used to play in the mud
On all those rainy winter days
Who used to sing in the bath tub
After a day out to play
Who used to tell you stories
About the Princess and the fairies
The little girl who lived inside her dreams
Who used to stand on tippy toes
To kiss you good night
Who used to yell and scream
If she didn't get what she wanted
The little girl who always look up
To her daddy
Who never said a bad thing
About anybody
Who wanted to heal the world
With her magic wand
When I see you look at me
All I can say is
Dad, may be I just grew up
Revelations of the Night
Right on the edge of the formidable plain
Where dreams become reality and reality becomes the pain
The light slips slowly behind the protective cloak of darkness
Hiding the way in which the days make haste of the time
Trickling the blood of Nobleman on thirsty pavement
Running the risk of leaving the man alone, desolate
For love is crime and crime is hate
But don't leave the days without light too late
If the Sun gives life to the man, the man gives life to the child
Banking on the promise of the people before them
Reaching the shallow gates of Heaven seems out of place
Living life by the Book, the Book a way of life
Holding onto the one true thing that places the beat in your heart
The blood in your veins boils, thick and red to paint the sky
Eat up the terror, for it comes at night to haunt you
Standing in the moonlight for the world to marvel at
Calling the ships to the shores, pulling the birds to the ground
Making the path thorny and bare, painful yet dull
Rocking the soul of the child behind your eyes
The shadows playing tricks on your tired, jaded mind
To the point to total destruction and desecration of the temple
You long for something more, something to strive for
Take your time; let the sand in the hour glass slow to a halt
Take your time; let the wind settle on the trees, small and whispery
Take your time; let the sounds of time dwindle to a humming in the background
Take your time, let the blood rest and sleep in the depths of your black heart
Then is the time to detach from the physical world
And transcend by a string of faith to the spiritual plain
For that is the place you can call home
Night is the terror
Terror is the life
Life is the pain
Pain is the guilt
Guilt is the pleasure
Pleasure is the night
How Does it Taste?
You're standing on the edge, leaning cos you've bleed
Trying to get a grip, bleeding cos you're ripped
But all that you hold dear is drowning in your tears
Searching for something more, crashing through the door
Crying in the night, with your fist clenched tight
Drop of red cool blood, you think it symbolizes love
Cut deep in the darkness of your soul, you heart rages black like coal
When the shiver runs deep and long, you feel the pain forever strong
As one last word escapes from your mouth
You curse the world for all your broken dreams and doubts
I want...
I want to feel
I want to love
I want to look below as well as above
I want to travel
I want to be free
I want to reach out and touch the light calling to me
I want to trust
I want to hide
I want to jump on the moment and go for a ride
I want to be
I want to live
I want to be able to receive and to give
I want to glimmer
I want to shine
I want to be a step ahead instead of behind
I want to leap
I want to roam
I want to breathe instead of moan
I want to know
I want to see
I want to live the life that’s meant for me
Cold Heart
Cold, always cold
Only ever wanting to be held
To touch, to feel
A cold heart, grows colder
Foggy breath makes vision slight
Blurred, murky
A cold heart shatters
The bitter winds blow
Crushed dust remains
Floats away with summer rain
Cool, cold
Cold heart
Suppress Entity
You say I don’t listen
But maybe you can’t see
You say I’m cold
But maybe you can’t feel
You say I’m difficult
But maybe you try too hard
You say I don’t love you
But maybe you won’t let me
I lay down the cards
You take your share and more
You eat at my heart
You eat at my soul
Take what you will
All I am is yours
Otherworldly Imaginings
You’re close to the edge
One push and you’ll fall
Depths of emotion charged words
Break down the walls
You’re ready for the fight
Ready for the deal
Ready to plunge
Into a world almost surreal
Home
the tide moves
breaks on the
clean unblemished sand
the white foam
spreads freely across
my feet
the summer breeze
felt slightly on
my sun clenched skin
i look to the
pale blue sky
full of summertime cheer
i breathe the sweet
ocean scent
mingled with the
sound of calming
sea tunes
and i dream
of home
Broken Mindraa
When you look at your life
You see hurt and pain
A time when the back of his hand
Was all you felt across your face
You see tears in the morning
You see tears at night
You see the little girl
You keep locked up inside
When you look at your life
You see a river of nightmares
A time when he plagued your mind
And battered your body
You see scars in the memories
You see memories in the scars
You see the little girl
You keep locked up inside
When you look at your life
You see it as nothing more than a mistake
A time when you were not meant to be
Maybe a waste of space
You see a shattered soul
You see a battered mind
You see the little girl
You keep locked up inside
When I look at your life
I see the horror and the tears
A time when you had not the courage
But you possessed the fear
I see the past
I see the future
I see your life
I see the little girl you keep locked in your heart
Goodnight
Come to me, cool mystic night
Of mist and swirls
And twists of light
Days draw close, too bright
A pale reflection shows
Hours grow slight
Be gone sweet tear
Goodnight
Starr of Isis
She rolls with the tide
She sings with the sun
She grows like a flower
She rides on the wind
She lives for the moment
She strives for the best
She wishes for a future
She wants what is best
She hopes for completion
She conquers it all
She is the Starr of Isis
Your Choice
What would you do if I…
Called it a day
Threw in the towel
And gave in now?
What would you do if I…
Sank down low
Cried all night
Pretending to be all right?
What would you do if I…
Showed you my pain
Revealed all the cuts
Proof I'm nothing but a slut?
What would you do if I…
Reached from the blade
Held it to my wrist
Pressed down and began to twist?
What would you do if I…
Bent Starr
(italics written by April. It's not long at all, but when the two of us
work together we manage to make something small gather importance.)
What is worthless to some
Is priceless to others
What you take for granted
Is appreciated by another
What you give to the world
Will never be shattered
What you leave in your wake
That is all that ever mattered
Relinquish Me
Perfect and complete as it was
Truth and love seemed to fill the picture
But you walked to the edge and pushed
To hard for me to be
What you needed me to be
What you needed us to be
You’re walking away from me
After all the pain and years
The truth isn’t what you need
I can’t give you anymore of me
You just need to breathe
We just need to breathe
Leave
You’re leaving me
Breathe (you just need to breathe)
We can’t be what you wanted us to be
Breathe (we just need to breathe)
Leave, you’re leaving me
If time can change everything so quickly
I wish that part of you would come back to me
I gave you all I had inside me
Don’t ask for more
Don’t take anymore from me
Leave
You’re leaving me
Breathe (you just need to breathe)
We can’t be what you wanted us to be
Breathe (we just need to breathe)
I can’t take this anymore
Leave
You’re leaving me
Breathe (you just need to breathe)
I can’t be what you needed me to be
Breathe (we just need to breathe)
Leave, you’re walking out on me
Nemesis
My one nemesis, my only friend
The one who would do whatever is needed
To ensure I never survive and
Only live forever to fail
My one nemesis, my only friend
The one who would stab me in the back,
And privately hope for me to
Die a painful death in my sleep
My one nemesis, my only friend
The one who would crush all my hopes,
Drown all my dreams and laugh
At me as I scream in all my misery
My one nemesis, my only friend
The one who hates, the ones who sees
The horrible essence inside of me
The one that has me down on my knees
My one nemesis, my only friend
The one who I love, the one who I hate
All day, all the time, from the absolute
Beginning to the ultimate end
My one nemesis, my only friend
The one who denies me, the one who defeats me
The one I’ve been fighting all along
My one nemesis is only me.
Mocking Me. Forever.
You said the stars were mine
You gave them to me, forever
As a dream, as a wish, as a promise
But as I cry they serve only to mock me
The stars reflect the thousands of ways you hurt me
As night falls they appear across the sky
Laughing at me, mocking me, looking at me
And they are mine, forever
And forever they will mock me
You said the moon was mine
You gave her to me, forever
In passion, in love, in trust
But as I scream she serves only to mock me
The moon relays all the ways you betrayed me
As the sunsets the moon enters the sky
Sneering at me, mocking me, glaring at me
And she is mine, forever
And forever she will mock me
Together the stars, the moon, the night
They remind me of how you destroyed me, forever
And forever they will mock me
You raped my mind
You hated my body
You abused my trust
You sedated my heart
And you're still there, forever
With the stars and the moon, forever
A disease in my mind, forever
The thorn in my side, forever
Mocking me
Forever
I will love you
Forever
Walk the Rope
The cold blade looked a brilliant blue across the pale white skin of her small wrist. She laughed as the blood trickled down her slender fingers and gathered on the black slate floor below her. The pain was never enough; the blood was never enough, so she pushed the knife again, into the throbbing vein that protruded her swollen wrist. The screams echoed around the small, cold room. The blood was beginning to dry up, but she didn’t want it to stop bleeding, this was her exit, this was her end. She dragged herself towards the bathroom, and reached for the taps. The hot water engulfed the room and the hollow steam filled her lungs. Impatiently she kicked off her shoes and began peeling her clothes off, throwing them in random directions around the room. Silently she slipped into the bath, letting the hot water flow onto her chest.
She stared at the ceiling; with her slow short breath falling across the wall. She knew it wouldn’t be long before it would all be over. No more pain, no more depression, no more nagging, no more doctors, no more lonliness. Her eyelids drooped and then fell shut. She could still hear some of the things around her, like that little tapping sound, like someone tapping their fingers across a table. She turned to reach for the taps again and laughed at the way her blood twisted and twirled in the water. That poison blood, that diseased blood flowing out of her body and into the her pool of dispair.
She could hear her name being called out, a soft angel’s voice calling out to her, calling her home. The tapping grew louder and the voice echoed like a siren in her head. This was her end. She was her final truth. She sighed and let the water take her home.
It's Just Me
When I was young and you saw something no one else could see.
You pictured that life, that road and created a path for me.
I travelled down that road and I felt the bumps along the way.
And through it all, you held my hand and showed me how to be strong.
But something happened along the way and I'm starting to turn my back.
On that life and path you created for me, it's not what I have planned.
You look at me, you're worried I'm going to make mistakes.
You're worried I'm going stumble, you're worried I'm going to fall.
But this path is mine, I have to fall, I have to make learn from my mistakes.
I'll travel now alone but I'll be strong because you taught me how to fight.
Don't worry, don't be sad, love me but don't hold me back.
You pictured a life, a road and you created a path for me.
You set me on my way, you guided me to this point in my life.
Along that path, that road, I've always been close to home, to your heart.
But it's time to leave the nest and do all of this on my own.
I love you.
Echos Stirred
And I let you go, I set you free
You were the one who called to me
You stood in the shadows when the echos stirred
And gave me hope for the new day that dawns
And though the blinding darkness came
You gave me light, you guided my way
Your love was warm and made me smile
No one will ever know the emotions inside
The grace of your eyes made me whole
Piece by piece we created the perfect picture
The light of love had shown the way
The love my heart longed for and the
Warmth my soul needed
You were that light shining in the distance
You were the something I believed in
A bitter tears fall down my face
As the deafening silence rallies against me
A sweet sigh escapes my lips, and I cry
And I've let you go, I've set you free
But somehow I know you still call out to me
As I place this rose upon your grave
I turn to leave and remember you died
One year ago today
Grievance
I see the rain and I see the colour
I feel the tension and I hear her voice
I am the child and you are the mother
Teach me value and leave me with disappointment
When you say you give I know that you take
You're trying too hard and soon it will break
I see the sky and I see the colour
I feel the sadness and I hear her cry
I am the punisher and you are the receiver
You taught me intolerance and drove me to hate
I have nothing left but what did you expect
You pushed too hard and now it will break
I see the sea and I see the colour
I feel the lonliness and I hear you scream
I am departing and you have to stay
You gave me a life but you cried everyday
From you I leant to lie while my innocence died
I won't look back when you're calling my name
Hollow Now
Hell, I can't save her
To save her from her dispair, the hurt, the grief
I'm looking down and I can see her there
She is in a place called Hell, and she's bleeding
Hell is cold, the tears you cry
Never have the chance to fall from your face
They freeze, on your cheeks and in your heart
She is crying, she is bleeding and I can't save her
My heart is breaking knowing she is trapped
There is a plague running through her mind
There is a shadow cast over her heart
She struggles through the depths of her Hell
And I'm standing here watching her
I would tear my heart out
I would battle her demons for all eternity
I would spill my blood to save her soul
Just to see her smile again, to hear her laugh
Her smiles are black and her laugh is hollow
The breath on her lips falls as it screams for a saviour
She is drowning in her dispair, it stains her flesh
And it stains my conscience to know she is there
In Hell, and hell I can't save her
Rain
I think it's raining outside
But I can't tell the different
Between the water pounding
On the roof outside and
the sound of hope as it breaks
and falls to pieces on the floor
I think it's raining outside
And that driving rain is causing me fear
So loud, so powerful and the wind blows
The cold rises up from the ground
And some part of me feels dead inside
At the simple sound of the rain
Is it the sound of my rage giving in
or the sound of my rage crying out
Crying out to fight another day
The blowing winds have brought it here
And it is not the sound of my hope dying
And it is not the sound of my rage released
And it is not the sound of something to fear
The rain is washing my sins away
Beautiful Lies
Cut me open and bleed me dry
Tell me why I still live this lie
Give me one simple reason not to cry
It's taking away my life
Taking over my precious years
I just want it to stop, just want it to heal
I'm crying out over nothing
And nothing is all too real
I would scream if I thought you were listening
I scratch at my arm and twist that vein
It's so blue under my skin, delivering my pain
I hate you like you hate me
Staring back at me from that two-way mirror
We hate anything we can not heal
Tell me why is it still so hard to breathe?
Diminished Reality
What did you think would happen if you turned away
Did you think I'd survive to witness another day
Don't tell me it's not what you wanted
Don't tell me you don't need this
Don't tell me I'll get better
Your standing with me searching for the answer
But we both know that you are partly to blame
Can't you see its killing me to be here
With each day that passes by I can't help but cry
To live, to scream, to promise, to die
I've held it back for so long it's become apart of me
To cut it out to set it free
Somehow I know it will still control me, like I control it
We are one, it's just begun and the end is around the corner
My thoughts, do linger, on something I can't see
On a truth too frightening because it's taking over me
What is it that I can't see
What is it that is troubling me
What can I do to turn away
What can I do to forgive the lie
This dying truth is my prison tonight
You
the heaven in my dark skies
the whisper in my silent prayers
the reason in my every doubt
the one simple thing
i could live without
the sadness in my lonely words
the terror in my darkened eyes
the answer in my child's mind
the one simple thing
i need to find
the linger of a last goodbye
the bitterness of the how's and why's
the shadows of my fall from grace
the one simple thing
i have to taste
in the end
all roads lead
to you
Raining Crimson
It's raining crimson in the back of my mind
It's calling out to you, now watch as I fall
The rain clouds gather towards the crimson sky
Watch as the shattered whispers finally reach the surface
It's raining crimson in the back of my mind
The rain keeps on falling, I guess this is drowning
Crimson rain called to me today and I answered the call
As the crimson rain falls, I turn my back on the world today.
|
|
|
